Patrick Malahide as DS Chisholm: Waiting for Goddard

"No mayhem on the streets... Sounds of gunfire... Cries of 'Stop, thief!'... No, I didn't."

Well, they look thrilled.

OY!  It’s been a while since a Minder recap, and Waiting for Goddard is a good one.  Poor Chisholm falls prey to a spiv and almost uncovers a quasi-kidnapping.  At least he gets his tea and pie and yells “OY!” twice.

Waiting for Goddard: Brief Overview

Arthur (George Cole) and Terry (Dennis Waterman) are having relationship problems.  First, Arthur gets mugged outside the bank after being abandoned by Terry.  Later, a very pretty private investigator, Caroline Selby (Mel Martin), shows up looking for a one Albert Goddard (played adorably by Ronald Fraser).  Albert is a local “postage stamp” (Cockney slang for tramp) and has proven elusive.  He may be in for an inheritance.  Daley, sensing some easy money, wants to be his “financial adviser”, so rather than just tell the PI where he is, he puts Albert into hiding.  Later he’s accused of kidnapping the old fellow.

Meanwhile, a fellow spiv (astonishingly a few rungs below Arthur) named Scooter (Kenneth Cope) has goofed up on the colors of a couple of orders.  The key one being a blue worsted fabric.  Arthur wants grey.  No worries, though, Scooter sells it to Chisholm.  Yes, it backfires.

Tea and Pie

"Sheer fantasy."

“Sheer fantasy.”

Daley is mugged outside of his bank.  After the mugger, complete with balaclava and pistol, makes off with his “executive briefcase” Arthur spots Chisholm and Jones (Meic Povey).  He runs up to report the mugging but is met with chagrined incredulity.

Chisholm is more chagrined when he learns what was in the executive briefcase: A gas bill and a letter from Reader’s Digest.  He thinks Daley is winding him up.   With an intense, laser stare he launches into a tirade: “We’re very busy men, you know.  We’re undermanned, underpaid, overworked and unappreciated.”

We appreciate you, Mr. Chisholm. I think it is hunger talking because he turns to Jones and suggests they go have a cup of tea and a pie.  Jones is all for that, “Ay, we’ve earned it.”

"You winding me up??"

“You winding me up??”

Daley won’t let go, “I’ve had a shooter up my hooter.”  Chisholm turns: “Little old ladies get symptoms like yours, always being interfered with, meeting armed robbers, masked rapists.  You don’t need Old Bill, you need a doctor.”  Awww, that isn’t very nice.  I still think it’s the hunger talking.

Chisholm is really trying to get rid of him, so he resorts to puns, “You are disturbing the police.  Go home.”   Daley: “Our streets are rife with crime and all you want is a cup of tea and a pie.”  Chisholm gives a final warning stare and Daley bugs off.  I wish this was The Chisholm & Jones Show because I want to hear what they nattered about over their tea and pie.

The Blue and the Gray

Looking a bit nonplussed at having his measurements taken. Jones: "Aye, we've earned it."

Nonplussed at having his measurements taken.

Scooter, a would-be wheeler-dealer, was commissioned by Daley to obtain some grey worsted.  Instead he gets blue.  Daley wants grey and refuses to budge.  Scooter lets slip that he nicked it off a tailor known as “Georgie the Cypriot” which is a very bad thing because Georgie is one of their own. Tsk-tsk.

Later Scooter reveals he was able to shift the cloth anyway.  Alas, he sold it to Chisholm who innocently takes it to Georgie (Dimitri Andreas) for tailoring.  The scene between Chisholm and Georgie is gold.  Mr. Malahide perfectly conveys Chisholm’s discomfort over being measured.  It is truly funny.

Georgie: "I mean under the shoulder, the hip, the waist... A PPK Walther or a Browning spoils the line! You don't mind me asking. Some are carrying." Chisholm [suspiciously]: "Like who?"

Georgie: ” Some are carrying.”
Chisholm [suspiciously]: “Like who?”

When Georgie asks if Chisholm will be “carrying”, he falls back into his comfort zone. As you may recall from Minder On the Orient Express, Chisholm isn’t a big fan of firearms.  He asks which police officers are carrying, but Georgie pleads confidentiality.

Chisholm lets it go and proudly shows Georgie his blue fabric.  Georgie instantly recognizes it and tries to call the police until Chisholm reminds him he is the police.  Chisholm knows exactly whose fault this is, Scooter’s, and vows to get the culprit.

It is an excellent scene.  Poor Chisholm.  He was so proud of that fabric and was looking forward to getting a nice, affordable suit.  Stupid color-blind, thieving Scooter.

Double OY!

"He's a monster."

“He’s a monster.”

As previously mentioned, Arthur has poor Goddard holed up as they await confirmation on his legacy.  The solicitors think Daley may have kidnapped him and go to Chisholm.   Goddard is a complete non-entity, so Chisholm is skeptical.  “Some inoffensive old buffer?  What kind of monster is going to do that?”  Answer: Arthur Daley.  “He’s a monster!”  The way Mr. Malahide goes from amused disbelief to tense disgust is fantastic.

“OY! You stay where you are.”  Chisholm has spotted Daley and he is beyond furious.   Kidnapping inoffensive, old buffers is a good way to rile the Detective Sergent up.

“Kidnap:  Unusual in this country!  It’s not an Anglo-Saxon crime, you know…more like a Latin country or even the Yanks.  Where is Albert Goddard?”  Hey! That’s xenophobic!  Besides, he forgot to mention the Scots who are particularly fond of kidnapping. 😉

Scooter chooses this moment to show up in a Harrods van.  He’d had another blue / grey color issue over a sofa, but now has the right one.  Chisholm yells “OY! Stay where you are!” and storms over.  No luck as Scooter scoots.

Afternoon, All

Discovering Terry on the couch: Arthur: "Oh! Are we disturbing you?" Love Chisholm's doorway lean.

Discovering Terry on the couch:
Arthur: “Oh! Are we disturbing you?”
Love Chisholm’s doorway lean.

Daley takes Chisholm to the flat to see Goddard, but he’s scooted also.  They enter the room to find Terry and Caroline the PI on the sofa.  From their angle it looks like something saucy is going on. Goddard is getting £200,000 and is off to see the solicitor, safe from Daley’s self-serving “financial advise”.

Chisholm, realizing all is well, is charmingly embarrassed at the sight of Terry and the PI.  With a

"Yes, well... Afternoon, all."

“Yes, well… Afternoon, all.”

“yes…well…afternoon, all,” like he’s Dixon of Dock Green, he quickly leaves.  He’s so uncomfortable and kind of looks like a cute drunk.   His embarrassment was unnecessary as it turns out Terry and Caroline were fully clothed after all.

Wrap-Up

I enjoyed this episode.  The guest stars are all strong with Ronald Fraser being especially charming as tramp-by-choice Albert Goddard.   I’m happy he took the money rather than run away from it, which I was afraid he’d do.  I hope he got a lovely cottage with a cozy yard where he could sleep under the stars as he wished. 🙂  Kenneth Cope is very cute and funny as the hapless but eternally cheerful Scooter, and Dimitri Andreas is excellent as Georgie, tailor to London’s underworld and gun carrying coppers.  Mel Martin’s glamorous PI character is also very good, but I’m pretty sure she can find better employees than Terry who shoots her down when she offers him minding jobs with her firm.

But, of course, the real treat is Chisholm.  All of his scenes are perfect, and he goes through a wide range of emotions.  I do wish we had seen his and Jones’ conversation over that tea and pie. 🙂

Gallery, Courtesy of RFodchuk

 

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