Malahide Characters’ Ideal Christmas Part II

For Christmas 2019 RFodchuk and I decided to once again imagine what sort of Christmases our favourite Patrick Malahide characters would celebrate. Do they go the traditional route, or are they a little more unconventional in their tidings? Let’s find out!

Admin: My choices are:

Robert Blair
(“The Franchise Affair”, 1988)

What Is His Favourite Christmas Entertainment?

Having a lovely, relaxing evening at home with his pipe and music on the wireless.

Time for the King’s Christmas message.

Well, with it being the 1940’s, he’s probably not watching any television, but there is always the wireless. I expect he listens to the traditional Christmas carols, the King’s Christmas Message, and maybe a radio play based on “A Christmas Carol”.

More than any of that though he would want to be surrounded with people he loves and spend time with them playing parlor games and swapping stories.  He might like a spot of adventure, but he also appreciates the comforts of home.

Does He Decorate His House?

Of course he does. He is almost certainly going to be the one responsible for placing any of the high decorations, so he’ll be there with his trusty step ladder. Again, his decorations are going to be pretty traditional. He’ll also be sure to get everything down fairly promptly after Christmas. No need to have decorations collecting dust well into New Years.

Does He Kiss Under the Mistletoe?

Discovering a clue in the attic window's view

Is that mistletoe I spy?

Yes, he absolutely would.   Despite being somewhat reserved, Robert has a very affectionate nature.

Before Marion he would have cheerfully doled out some chaste kisses here and there if only out of gentlemanly duty.  However, with Marion, he would be a lot more enthusiastic and romantic about the whole deal. Either way, I expect Robert gets a few under-the-mistletoe kisses each year.

What Is His Favourite Christmas Recipe or Treat?

Going by the way he attacked that cake in The Franchise Affair, I’d say anything sweet and baked would be his favourite. As far as the overall Christmas feast goes, he’d go the very traditional route. I think he might splurge one some slightly more exotic Chai teas from India just to spice things up a little bit.

What Does He Want Most for Christmas?

Moping at the pub with Nevil.

He doesn’t like being too bored.

Deep down he’d want a little bit of adventure. While he’s great at being the nice dutiful country solicitor, he feels a sense of restlessness and boredom after returning from the war.  As a result he really craves excitement.

So, his great Christmas wish would be to be given another legal case where he gets to leave his comfort zone, and get out and about engaging his investigative side.  He would also wish to able to deliver justice to another wronged party because at the end of the day he loves doing the right thing.

What Would He Do With the Dreaded Fruitcake?

Grabbing the last piece of cake

Just pretend it is fruitcake.

Eat it, of course. I get the feeling that Robert isn’t in the slightest bit afraid of a few sultanas. It is a carb packed power snack where a little goes a long way.

Also, if he wants to have a little bit of adventure, then fruitcake is the perfect energy providing snack. He’d have a slice with a nice cuppa and be raring to go.

 

 

D.S. Chisholm
(“Minder,” 1979-1988)

What Is His Favourite Christmas Entertainment?

What’s he doing here?

I doubt he ever goes for much in the way of entertainment under any circumstance. Chisholm would watch some of the classic movies that air on television like “It’s a Wonderful Life”, and the Alistair Sim version of “A Christmas Carol” which would be very ironic considering it stars a very young George Cole.  How weird is that?

He mostly would have them on as a sort of background thing though. I doubt he pays very much attention to them. We’ve long decided he is a “Nan Kid”, so he’d also be watching that sort of stuff at his Nan’s house.

Does He Decorate His House?

Decorating is not his thing.

Chisholm is about as Spartan as they come when it comes to home decor, so for the most part, no, he wouldn’t do any decorating whatsoever. However, I think he would display what few Christmas cards he receives. He’d line them up neatly in a row probably in order by size which would give them that extra grim touch. On the brighter side, he’d be enlisted to help a bit at his Nan’s place.

Does He Kiss Under Mistletoe?

Patrick Malahide as DS Chisholm in Minder

Tilly would like some mistletoe.

Nope! In fact he would do anything in his power to avoid any and all mistletoe. If he is forced into an office Christmas party (which would be pretty much the only place he’d encounter any mistletoe), he would scope it out first to make sure he knows where all the mistletoe traps are displayed.

Of course, with his stoat-like good looks I’m sure a good chunk of the female London population would just love to get Chisholm under the mistletoe.   Tilly Murdoch (June Whitfield) made that more than clear. 😉

What Is His Favourite Christmas Recipe or Treat?

Are you sure this is Quality Street?

I think Chisholm would go for a tin of Quality Street sweets. They are dead simple to procure and are delicious. The real question is which would be his favourite out of the tin. I’m going with the Orange Chocolate Crunch. The reason I pick that one is because it is my favourite which means it must be great. 😉

I could see Daley making a note of that and trying to get into Chisholm’s good books with some very out-of-date Quality Street tins that have found their way into his dodgy lock-up.  Avoid those, Chisholm!

What Does He Want Most for Christmas?

Like a dream come true.

He wants to nab Daley and McCann and provide the police testimony that ensures they get lovely long stretches in the clink. A good ten year sentence would guarantee that those two would never be a blight on his patch again. Then what he would really like is to be promoted to Detective Inspector. He probably would feel his heart swell with good cheer should Dave lose his drinks license and be forced to close his seedy little pub for good. Lastly, he’d also be partial to seeing Rycott get ousted on a corruption charge. Chisholm doesn’t ask for much.

What Would He Do With the Dreaded Fruitcake?

Or maybe not.

He’d nibble a little bit to decide if he liked it or not. If he liked it, he’d eat it over the rest of the winter. If he didn’t, he’d re-wrap it and fob it off on Jones. Ever the pragmatic sort is Chisholm.

Actually, he probably wouldn’t even do that.  You don’t want to let your Welsh constables think you are getting too fond of them.  He could always give it to one of his superiors and then wonder why he was passed over for promotion yet again.

RF:  I love Admin’s choices.  😀  And my choices are…

Sir Hugo Carey-Holden
(“Lovejoy:  The Italian Venus“, 1991)

What Is His Favourite Christmas Entertainment?

Sir Hugo being interrupted by Flickers (center) before he can really get his game going with Lady Jane Felsham (Phyllis Logan).

Sir Hugo being interrupted by Flickers (center) before he can really get his game going with Lady Jane Felsham (Phyllis Logan).

Probably the same as his year-round favourite entertainment – throwing big parties with lots of booze and hoping he can mash on some attractive ladies before either their significant others or his wife Lady Felicity (Celia Imrie), fondly(?) known as “Flickers”,  shows up.  The main difference would be that the party, music, and drinks would be holiday-themed.  But it’s doubtful that Sir Hugo would notice such niceties.   He’d certainly never do anything so mundane as watch a Christmas movie – and if he did, he’d never admit it to anyone.

Does He Decorate His House?

Sir Hugo, hard at work putting up decorations.

Sir Hugo, hard at work putting up decorations.

Oh good lord, no!  Sir Hugo would have a nice nap while all that was going on.  Flickers would arrange for all of that to be done by the servants, with lots of input from her, after getting a designer to come in and make sure everything was very artistic.  The decorations would all be quite lavish and colour- and/or theme-coordinated, of course.  Flickers would also want to make sure that she outdoes all of her friends.

Does He Kiss Under the Mistletoe?

Making a successful ambush - except that Lady Jane redirected his kiss to her cheek.

Making a successful ambush – except that Lady Jane
has redirected his kiss to her cheek.

Well, he’d like to, with anyone he can successfully ambush.  The problem is that most of the well-to-do ladies in Sir Hugo’s social circle are wise to his game by now and take evasive action immediately – plus Lady Felicity always keeps an eye on him.  If he put a bit more planning into it, he could have a servant put up lots of mistletoe sprigs in hard-to-see spots to increase his chances – but that might require more forethought than he’s willing to put into it.  Sir Hugo is mostly a masher of opportunity.

What Is His Favourite Christmas Recipe or Treat?

Needs more brandy!<br>(Image source: shutterstock.com)

Needs more brandy!
(Image source: shutterstock.com)

Anything with rum in it.  Or brandy.  Or any kind of booze, really.  Christmas punch, the more heavily spiked, the better.  Hot toddies, mulled wine, Irish coffees, and spiced cider.  Christmas pudding so heavily soaked in brandy that it’s in danger of setting the tablecloth on fire.  Chocolate rum balls.  Eggnog with lots of… well, you get the idea.  Sir Hugo doesn’t have any favourite recipes because he’d never prepare any actual food, but he likely has a heavy hand when he pours the drinks.

What Does He Want Most for Christmas?

"What do I <i>really</i> want for Christmas?"

“What do I really want for Christmas?”

It’s terribly cliché, but I suspect that all Sir Hugo really wants…  is to be loved for himself.  He’s got just about everything money can buy, but he seems terribly, terribly bored by it all.  He’s always been jealous of his younger brother Dougie (Nicholas Farrell) because Dougie was popular with the girls, and after marrying Lady Felicity (who, truthfully, is probably one of the few women who could stand him), Sir Hugo is still discontented.  So, even though he’s really done nothing to earn it, I think he’d love to meet someone who’d love him for himself.

Failing that, Sir Hugo’s runner-up present would be to acquire some really smashing, rare, and valuable piece of artwork at a disgustingly cheap price, to make Dougie green with envy.

What Would He Do With the Dreaded Fruitcake?

Eat it, providing it was soaked with enough brandy and/or rum.  Or soak it with brandy and/or rum and then eat it.  It must be healthy since it has raisins and all those little fruit pieces in it, right?

George Cornelius
(“Luther“, 2015 & 2019)

What Is His Favourite Christmas Entertainment?

"I've got the best Christmas playlist you ever heard."

“I’ve got the best Christmas playlist you ever heard.”

Uhhhhh… nothing anyone else wants to see.  😮  You don’t want to be on George’s Naughty list!  Okay, okay… if he’s forced to be sociable and it doesn’t directly involve gangland murders business, I’m sure George C. would put on some records (yes, the actual vinyl kind) of old versions of his favourite carols while having a big catered party for all of his henchmen.  Mind you, he might surprise me and have a playlist of all of his favourite songs on Spotify instead; George is hep to new technology like that.

George might also appreciate a classic movie like Alistair Sim’s “A Christmas Carol”, as mentioned above by Admin.  But he’d he’d sympathize with Scrooge before his transformation and he’d probably root for old Mr. Potter in “It’s a Wonderful Life” because he gets away with all the money.

Does He Decorate His House?

Calculating how many garlands and how much tinsel he's going to need.

Calculating how many garlands and how much tinsel
he’s going to need.

Oh yes, I suspect George would have one of the most lavishly decorated houses on his block (assuming he doesn’t just own the entire block).  He might even do some of the decorating himself; he seems to be a very hands-on guy when it suits him.  But he’d get his henchmen to do the difficult or most annoying tasks, like fetching all of the decorations down from the attic, untangling the Christmas lights, and climbing up on ladders and whatnot.  He’d also buy the largest Christmas tree available or he’d have two or three for different rooms, and he’d hang an enormous wreath on his front door.

Does He Kiss Under the Mistletoe?

Who needs mistletoe?

Who needs mistletoe?

Of course he does!  There doesn’t seem to be a Mrs. Cornelius at the moment, so I’m sure George would make a point of stealing a kiss from every lady who shows up to his party, even if they’re his henchmen’s dates.   He’d likely be very jovial and charming the whole time, too, and have expensive presents available for all of them.  Most women not named “Alice Morgan” probably find George completely irresistible – maybe even cuddly.

What Is His Favourite Christmas Recipe or Treat?

He knows his way around a kitchen.

He knows his way around a kitchen.

I think George would like the classics:  roast goose or turkey, stuffing, roast or mashed potatoes on the side, several courses, the best wine to go with dinner, and naturally, a huge selection of desserts, many of which likely feature booze in one form or another.  Since we know George is an accomplished cook, he might even have made some of it himself.  However, Christmas crackers might be a somewhat dangerous proposition in the Cornelius household; you might want to wear eye protection when you pull them.  And make sure to compliment him on dinner afterwards.

What Does He Want Most for Christmas?

All he wants for Christmas is...

All he wants for Christmas is…

Well, sadly, I don’t think George will get what he wants most, which is his son back.  He might have to settle for staying out of prison after his latest escapade and getting his Jag fixed, or buying an entirely new one.  If he found out that DCI Luther (Idris Elba) was having a truly awful Christmas, that might make him feel better.  Oh, and if Santa brought him a new, enormous handgun for his collection and the latest smart phone, that might be okay, too.

What Would He Do with the Dreaded Fruitcake?

"Did you get the fruitcake I sent last year?"

“Did you get the fruitcake I sent last year?”

If he made it himself (likely from his Nan’s recipe, handed down from her Nan), he’d eat it.  He’d also make a few more so that his henchmen could each have one to take home, and they had better say they enjoyed them…!  He might even send one anonymously to DSU Martin Schenk (Dermot Crowley) just for the heck of it, or he might include a nice card just to remind Schenk that he’s still out there and thinking about him.

Admin:  And there you have it! There are some very interesting (and in some cases scary… I’m looking at you, Gorgeous George) Christmases to be had at the Appreciation this year. Merry Christmas, everybody!  🙂

RF:  Merry Christmas, everyone!  And a merry Christmas to Mr. Malahide, whom we hope to see more of in the New Year.

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